Two shots down!! Instead of freaking out about the needle today I said, "Come to me needle and meds!" haha Sounds silly, but it did help. It's weird thinking about embracing pain. There has to be some spiritual analogy with that. Our instinct is to run away from pain, but God wants to bring us through the pain.
Today we studied 1 John 4 and it says - perfect love drives out all fear. I've been pondering this with my fear with invitro. This is a chance for me to trust God; my Father, my Provider, my Friend, the Lover of my soul.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Day 14 IVF
Well...it's begun. Today marked the beginning of the injections. Eric prayed over me and then stuck me. :) I did make a noise because it pinched some and he said I'm not allowed to make any noises. Which made me laugh a little, but I know it's hard for him to hurt me.
The injection site hasn't hurt exactly, but I can still feel where the meds went in. It said, may cause dizziness on the bottle, so I'm praying I don't get that side affect. If you think of it, pray for me too!
I don't know how to feel right now. I'm excited, nervous, freaked out to actually have a baby, freaked out I won't get a baby, etc. I am a jumble of emotions.
There is a song we sang at our fall retreat that God has had in my head this morning. The chorus goes...
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You
So, that is my prayer and what I want to do today, and every day, to rest in Him. He has this all under control. I think I'm just freaking out because the illusion of my control is coming to light.
Thankfully that's all the injections for today. Soon though I'll be getting 3 a day. But I am going to wait for the grace God will give me when that happens. :)
The injection site hasn't hurt exactly, but I can still feel where the meds went in. It said, may cause dizziness on the bottle, so I'm praying I don't get that side affect. If you think of it, pray for me too!
I don't know how to feel right now. I'm excited, nervous, freaked out to actually have a baby, freaked out I won't get a baby, etc. I am a jumble of emotions.
There is a song we sang at our fall retreat that God has had in my head this morning. The chorus goes...
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You
So, that is my prayer and what I want to do today, and every day, to rest in Him. He has this all under control. I think I'm just freaking out because the illusion of my control is coming to light.
Thankfully that's all the injections for today. Soon though I'll be getting 3 a day. But I am going to wait for the grace God will give me when that happens. :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 10 IVF
Eric and I drove to Danville, PA yesterday to get some tests done on me and for Eric to learn how to give me shots. We were gone for the weekend at our fall retreat, then went to Cornell for cross training, and got home on Monday. So when we headed out early yesterday we were pooped! On our way Eric asked me if I was nervous and I really wasn't at all. Come to find out, THAT'S BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT WAS COMING!
Now, I'm being a little dramatic, but really I thought it was going to be a simple swab thingy like you get for pap smears. But what I didn't realize is they were doing a test run of the procedure. It hurt, but at least it didn't hurt for long. The thing that really made it intense is when they shot water in my uterus to see if I had any polyps. I don't, which praise God for that.
The doc did scare me a little about the retrieval process. I thought I wouldn't feel any pain because of the drugs they'll give me, but she said they want to know if I have too much pain so they'll stop. So I don't know what to expect.
I keep having to switch my mind from wanting to run from all these painful things to trying to embrace them. It's hard to do!!
Oh and the other thing we did was Eric gave me a shot with saline in it so he could practice. That wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be, but there are needles that are massive that I'll have shot in me later. I start one of the shots on Sunday. I need prayer that I will accept them and that they won't cause bruising or adverse affects. Also, that we will get the exact number of fertilized eggs we need.
God keeps bringing me back to the truth that he is the giver of life and no one else. It was freaky signing some of the consent forms. It was definetly a leap of faith. As I've said before, this isn't how I ever wanted it to happen, but I know there is purpose in it.
The journey continues!
Now, I'm being a little dramatic, but really I thought it was going to be a simple swab thingy like you get for pap smears. But what I didn't realize is they were doing a test run of the procedure. It hurt, but at least it didn't hurt for long. The thing that really made it intense is when they shot water in my uterus to see if I had any polyps. I don't, which praise God for that.
The doc did scare me a little about the retrieval process. I thought I wouldn't feel any pain because of the drugs they'll give me, but she said they want to know if I have too much pain so they'll stop. So I don't know what to expect.
I keep having to switch my mind from wanting to run from all these painful things to trying to embrace them. It's hard to do!!
Oh and the other thing we did was Eric gave me a shot with saline in it so he could practice. That wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be, but there are needles that are massive that I'll have shot in me later. I start one of the shots on Sunday. I need prayer that I will accept them and that they won't cause bruising or adverse affects. Also, that we will get the exact number of fertilized eggs we need.
God keeps bringing me back to the truth that he is the giver of life and no one else. It was freaky signing some of the consent forms. It was definetly a leap of faith. As I've said before, this isn't how I ever wanted it to happen, but I know there is purpose in it.
The journey continues!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Day 2 IVF
Today is day 2 of our baby journey. Yesterday I had blood work (that came back great) and today I started taking some meds.
This is not the baby journey I would have chosen, but through godly council, God's word, our hearts desire, and circumstances we have been led down this road. For many this would be a way of controlling infertility, for me this is a faith jump off a skyscraper. :) I want to do things naturally and meds freak me out, but I am willing to go down this road.
I was meditating on God's word a few weeks ago, it was Psalm 32:8, and says, 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Wow, what a beautiful verse. I've been afraid of IVF, but God has lead us into it and I think I believed that if somehow if I didn't hear God right that things would go terribly wrong - like the meds hurting me or the potential baby, or having a miscarriage, and on and on the fears go. But God says he WILL instruct me and teach me and not only that, whatever happens his loving eye is on me. A peace that transcends understanding came on me at that point and now I'm ready for this journey!
We would love prayers!! Ask God to open my womb. He is the only giver of life. The doctors can manipulate my body, but only God can give us a baby. Also, ask that the drugs would not affect me negatively or the maybe future baby. :)
This is not the baby journey I would have chosen, but through godly council, God's word, our hearts desire, and circumstances we have been led down this road. For many this would be a way of controlling infertility, for me this is a faith jump off a skyscraper. :) I want to do things naturally and meds freak me out, but I am willing to go down this road.
I was meditating on God's word a few weeks ago, it was Psalm 32:8, and says, 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.
Wow, what a beautiful verse. I've been afraid of IVF, but God has lead us into it and I think I believed that if somehow if I didn't hear God right that things would go terribly wrong - like the meds hurting me or the potential baby, or having a miscarriage, and on and on the fears go. But God says he WILL instruct me and teach me and not only that, whatever happens his loving eye is on me. A peace that transcends understanding came on me at that point and now I'm ready for this journey!
We would love prayers!! Ask God to open my womb. He is the only giver of life. The doctors can manipulate my body, but only God can give us a baby. Also, ask that the drugs would not affect me negatively or the maybe future baby. :)
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